MY OWN JANUS WORD
~by Wren Logan
inhale for 4
exhale for 7
i think you and arianne have said that to me,
though the connotations differ
what do they call you? a contronym
a word that is its own opposite
how deliciously confusing is that
the downward dog to extend your life
the cigarette to shorten it
the car, or perhaps the tarmac, to end it
sometimes i get so close to acceptance
i beg you for your forgiveness and your mother says i am showered in it
i find myself retracing your steps in a home
entirely dissimilar to ours
can i finally breathe you back to life
even for one last glance
so i assume the pose
count my shortened breaths, cough over the
billowing cloud of smoke that burns my insides
and my eyes sting and i’m not sure if it’s
the smoke or the grief
***